I have had a very different year. God has prepared me for this and I not sure if I did well. I sit here just before 9 a.m. at work after a rough weekend. My dad has been in and out of the hospital for the past 3 weeks. My biggest fear since I was three. I didn't want my parents to die and even at that age I knew they were older. AS I got older I realized the ramifications of being a only child to older parents. They aren't considered so taboo, but back in the 80's they were.
My emotions are on another level. But I am grateful to see God mercy and grace present in every moment. He's doing a lot better. But he's still in the hospital. I am very grateful to my church family. They have been such grate support to me over these past few weeks. Again, that is just the hand of God helping me through this rough time.
And yet at the same time, a former "friend" (if were actually ever friends) is in my mind and I am plagued by the awkwardness of being around him. I just really don't understand why dislikes me so. I have apologized on several occasions to no avail. But, despite his ill treatment my heart still goes out for his own personal pain in his life. I unfriended him on FB yesterday, I have been wanting to do it for so ling. But I knew that I was allowing this hurt to consume me and at times I felt angry. So I let go. This probably doesn't phase him or anyone else, but I was frustrated and just did it. Several hours later sitting at my dad's bedside, I realize I was dead wrong. I had to close my FB account because of my waywardness. I was dead wrong. Then the I recalled a scripture I came across on IG on Jessa Seewald's account that I knew even then that that was God talking to me. (She got married last weekend, probably the most happiest time in her life.) Why would she post this scripture. God sent this message to me. Here it is:
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